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"Sometimes all you can do is just laugh!"

Reading Glasses

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A man went to an eye specialist (окулист) to get his eyes tested (чтобы проверить зрение) and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses (носить очки)?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be (как это будет хорошо), " said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate (неграмотный) for so long."
 

Restaurant order

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A guy walks into a pub (заходит в паб) and sees a sign (знак) hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet (проверяя бумажник) for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons (подзывает) to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man (шепчет мужчина), "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs (промурлыкала), "I am."
The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

Full stomach

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Mother: You understand me, John, you must not eat any more(больше) tonight (сегодня вечером). It's dangerous to sleep on a full stomach (с полным желудком).
John (her young son): Never mind(не переживай) about that, mother, dear, I can sleep on my back

Strong coffee

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"Your husband is too fond of strong coffee (крепкий кофе), " said the doctor, "you must not let him have it. He gets (становится) too nervous".
"But, Doctor, you should see how nervous he is when I give him weak coffee."

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