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"Sometimes all you can do is just laugh!"

It took two hours

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One day the new clerk came with an eye closed (с одним закрытым глазом), left arm injured (левой рукой поврежденной), right foot bleeding (из правой стопы шла кровь) and with all his clothes badly torn (разорванный). The director asked him:
"Why are you late by two hours?"
The clerk answered: " I fell out of an eight-storey window"(из окна 8 этажа).
The director smiled: "And it took you two hours for that?"

How did you break your arm?

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Tom: How did you break your arm (как ты поломал руку)?
Nick: Do you see those stairs over there (ты видишь вон те ступеньки)?
Tom: Yes.
Nick: Well, and I didn't.

Who is ill at your house?

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"Doctor, " called a small boy, "come up to our house quickly."
"Who is ill at your house? asked the doctor.
"Everybody but (кроме) me. I was naughty (непослышным), so they didn't give me any of nice mushrooms father had picked (папа насобирал) in the forest.

Forget your profession

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Doctor's wife: Now, my dear, you must forget your profession (ты должен забыть свою профессию) if you go to see our friends with me.
Her husband: What have I done?
Doctor's wife: Why, you feel the pulse (проверял пульс) of everyone who gives you the hand.

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